When life gives you lemons.

ΦΔΕ NY Alpha Chapter AN

301,285 notes

dry-cereal:

dry-cereal:

dry-cereal:

once i was sick so i got a prescription for codeine cough syrup and when i went to pick it up the pharmacist was like “you really won’t need all of this” and i was like “it’s ok i could just sell it at school” and he was like “YEAAAAAAAH FUTURE PHARMACIST” and fist bumped me

ok apparently this pharmacist is my brother’s old pot dealer

his name is scooter

(Source: grass10, via justinio)

205,241 notes

itskingkhaled:

totally-stab-caesar:

jennytrout:

jennytrout:

magdalenarivera:


#it is also the ‘i have a live laugh love decoration somewhere in my house’#’i have a child named caedyn’


#Wall decals about bible verses will class up any kitchen #You should come to my Thirty-One party

I can’t stop. There are too many:
#I’m the best mom on this field trip and everyone knows it #Have you read Eat, Pray, Love? #Let’s get lattes after Zumba! #Gluten causes Autism #I will have him pulled out of your class #Oh shoot, I forgot I volunteered to bring brownies to faith group tonight #We don’t let him watch more than one hour of TV a day #Stick figure family window sticker #(whispers behind hand) you’ve got to read 50 Shades of Grey
Forgive me. I am a mother, and I walk among these women every day. I have adopted their ways as a form of camouflage.

dying


LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

itskingkhaled:

totally-stab-caesar:

jennytrout:

jennytrout:

magdalenarivera:

#Wall decals about bible verses will class up any kitchen #You should come to my Thirty-One party

I can’t stop. There are too many:

#I’m the best mom on this field trip and everyone knows it #Have you read Eat, Pray, Love? #Let’s get lattes after Zumba! #Gluten causes Autism #I will have him pulled out of your class #Oh shoot, I forgot I volunteered to bring brownies to faith group tonight #We don’t let him watch more than one hour of TV a day #Stick figure family window sticker #(whispers behind hand) you’ve got to read 50 Shades of Grey

Forgive me. I am a mother, and I walk among these women every day. I have adopted their ways as a form of camouflage.

dying

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(Source: tibets, via sadghostmermaid)